Eyes Never Lie

find out who I am through my eyes. see how tired I am how hard life I've been through. facing and holding problem that'll always come every time. no matter what happen I have to deal with it as long as my eyes open and as long as I breathe. maybe I complain too much or I'm the most loser on earth. here, I still asking to myself who am I? why am I like this? feeling tired and sad more often ain't because I'm weak, I just need more strength and support from...the closest ones or anyone or stranger. I open my mind and realize I'll never handle either bitter or a sweetness of life by myself. I can be the most cheerful person all day long and act like nothing happen but deep down inside this heart is so fragile. I lost my confidence since I wrecked. not brave enough to speak out. I talk to blame people, judge them, I really want to hate hate hate them all because they treat me bad like I'm the baddest. when they treat me well it just in front of my face. I want to ignore what they say about myself behind me but sometimes anything they say about the bad side from myself is a big 'warning'. I mean I have to reform to be a better person also change the bad habbit from myself, more nicer to anyone, eliminate hatred even nobody like me. I know it ain't easy. I often write post like this on some post before. word by word almost the same and repeated. I think where the problem came is inside of me. I myself, who think none of them care about what I feel what I mean what I want what I need. look, I'm here just like my own bread without flavor. tasteless. people just want to eat a bread with honey and peanut butter right beside a cup of hot tea, breakfast menu that people always wait in the morning. mine? my honey and peanut butter are expired. no one touch them. so, do I look never be happy? sit down here with me and I'd be happy then.

What's Next?

You may agree with me if someone/something bothering and do annoying/bad things to you. surely you choose to leave it behind so you dont need to put it in your mind and wasting your time to think of it all. moreover if someone broke your heart into a million pieces and s/he cant fix into one piece just like before. what do you expect? forgive them? yup, you should. forget about what they did to you? can you? I'm not. how about give them second chance? well, big no, but last chance. wait wait, sure? are you sure that they wont do the same like in the past? actually, back to her/himself how they make you believe them like the first time. 

to put trust in people such a hard thing especially for me. once I trust you, I really do. once you ruin it, I'll be a really really really hard stone to you. I think the best effort to make me feel better is letting me go, so you can make a better life and will get another happiness with someone else. dont be like you have no one. I dont know why is sooo hard to make my self just be positive thinking. is this called disappointed-deepest level?

First Dating

One year ago.. first time you came to my home and a lil bit astray, first time we met and had conversation with our awkward act, first time we went to the cinema and found funny-adv before the movie begin. I always wrote on my private 'note' the date of the day after we met, eventho  just for had breakfast, lunch or dinner. every we went out, there was so much funny, silly, absurd and anything happened to us. we both like eat. eat. eat and eat. we're having culinary tour wherever we want to. we've been through laugh, tears and other emotions also spent the day sharing about anything all day long. let's pray and promise with me, this is not the last we're having fun two-geda and this is not the end of our story.

I'm sending a big smile for you...

First Texting

Let's step back to one year ago.. *my phone vibrated* *received a new text message* I never thought it was you, called my nick name in your first text. minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day and so on we texted and shared anything about yours and mine. we've been through ups and downs at this level. oh i mean, until this second it's still happening. and now, I'm hoping for the past things-especially the bad one- from me, you, and us that'll never come again to make us separate. never ruin everything that we build together in the first time when we two fall down until we find our happiness. remember, this is your last chance. by the way, we have that big smile on our face hihihi so I made new banner for my blog with the smile up and happy on. show me your biggest smile my man!

First Met

You know that we never plan to meet in that place at that time. you know that we never talk to each other before, even just say 'hello' when our position were so close between our friends. you know that we never ever think we would be this far. just a lil smile, remember that? and now we have our big smile. all of those moments beyond what we expected, at least one year ago. so this night I wrote down here about this to celebrate that day; the day when we first met.

19th

Happy birthday to me! I looovvveee 24 hours of this day. unexpected and full of surprises. saying 'thank you' for billion times is just not enough. semuanya seperti memberikan pelukan hangat untukku di tiap kata-kata yang di rangkai; Do'a. dan sedemikian rupa kebahagiaan yang ia berikan hari ini, bahkan sejak awal saat saling melihat dengan ketidaksengajaan di tempat pertama kalinya bertemu.

Perfect. Alloh maha baik.